Ten Things I Hate About You (OK...twenty)

disclaimer: this post is not intended for YOU, nor do I actually hate anyone. It is simply more of a deep annoyance/frustration that I have with myself for not being able to be good at birthing babies and anything of the like.

1. You are a mom and you're wearing a bikini.
2. You are a mom and you're wearing a bikini and you gave birth two months ago.
3. You don't have stretch marks.
4. You are fully pregnant and you only gained ten pounds.
5. You only gained twenty pounds.
6. You gained less than fifty pounds.
7. You feel great!
8. You walked three miles the day before you gave birth.
9. You actually went jogging before giving birth.
10. You felt good enough during labor to give us a play by play on facebook.
11. You looked good enough after labor to post a picture of you holding your baby on facebook.
12. You had a euphoric natural childbirth.
13. You had a euphoric natural childbirth AT HOME.
14. You pushed your baby out of your vagina with or without drugs.
15. You felt good enough after pushing out your six pound baby that you left the hospital THE NEXT DAY.
16. You wore your pre-pregnancy clothes to your six week check up.
17. You offered me your maternity clothes AFTER I had given birth because you didn't need them anymore.
18. You can't wait to have another baby.
19. Your body was made for this.
20. You tell me that MY body was made for this.

30 weeks 30 pounds

Two and half weeks ago I was thirty weeks pregnant and had already gained thirty pounds. It was my goal not to gain as much weight this pregnancy which technically so far I haven't. I had already maxed out my weight gain when I was pregnant with Cannon at six months!! Well, at least I know this time that a huge portion of that weight gain is my "little" girl. At my regular twenty week ultrasound my doctor referred to her as "huge" because she was already weighing twelve ounces which was significantly larger than the average eight ounce baby at that stage. Who knew a few ounces could make such a big difference? The ultrasound technician also found some extra fluid in her kidneys. So the Dr. wanted me to have another ultrasound at twenty-six weeks. Still a little extra fluid on the kidneys and still a large baby, so they send me to an ultrasound specialist at thirty weeks. I was a little concerned because of course I look up online what it could mean. I am at least glad I will get to see my baby's sweet little face again. So, the kidneys are clear this time, but they found fluid between her brain and spinal cord which sounds a lot scarier to me! They assure me they are just being cautious and want me to come back in two weeks. Also, her weight gain is rapid as she's already weighing four pounds eight ounces at thirty weeks, which is about a pound and a half above average. So, at thirty-two weeks I go back to the ultrasound specialst and there is a definite space between her brain and spinal cord with extra fluid, but the doctor assures me that he is convinced she will be a "normal" baby and he has only ever been wrong once and that was in 1961. ha. He thinks that the extra fluid is due to her rapid weight gain because larger babies have a tendency to produce more fluid. She is weighing in at five pounds thirteen ounces! yikes! That's almost a thirty-six week baby! There is no way to know if she will have developmental delays until she is actually born and growing. BUT to be on the safe side he wants me to have an MRI next month to check things out becuase the ultrasound can only reveal so much information. He already used the word macrosomic which means "large" baby. A baby weighing more than nine pounds 15 ounces! Now, a baby cannot be labeled as macrosomic until birth, but at the rate she is growing she is going to be a whopper! Later that day I spoke to my OB about scheduling a c-section. I couldn't push out Cannon at 7-7 so there's no way I'm trying to push out a nine or ten pounder! Her head circumference was already measuring about thirty-seven weeks! I know that the birth weight can't be predicted precisely, but I'm not taking any chances. At least I have an excuse for this big ol belly of mine. I hate when people ask me my due date and I have to say September 14!!! Their eyes get wide like saucers and the look on their face says, "bless you"!! I already look ready to pop and feel that way, too. This brings me to some controversial pregnancy related topics which I will save for the next time...

Pregnancy Etiquette 101

1. DON'T TELL ME HOW BIG I'M GETTING!!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M ONLY 5 MONTHS PREGNANT!!! "Dang, did you grow overnight?" Really? cuz your belly's bigger than mine and you're not even pregnant!

2. I'm not naming my baby "Oprah."

3. "You must be having a girl b/c you're carrying WIDE!!!!" I should just wear a sign that says, "WIDE LOAD" I guess.

Church in the Nizow

I recalled a memory from when I was pregnant with Cannon as I passed a familiar church yesterday. Chris and I stopped at this church over a year ago for a parking lot yardsale. It's one of those semi-new fangled church buildings that only partially resembles a church. I think I ended up buying a little golden book for Cannon, "Mickey's Christmas Carol" for twenty-five cents. While we were there, there were parking lot attendants handing out promotional literature. As we were leaving this one guy asked us if we "go here." Like "Do you go to church here?" Chris and I exchanged the same look and then politely replied no while smiling and accepting their flyer. We waited til we got in the car to make the same comment that if a person doesn't even know if they attend the same church as us then it must be a pretty big ol church--too big to not only not remember a name, but not even a face. I often hear people talk about hospitals or other companies that they like because they are a name not just a number. So, if it's not okay to be just a number when it comes to healthcare or finances, why is it okay to just be a faceless body in the crowd at what should be a very personal experience of fellowship and community?

I'm reminded of another church called "Church in the NOW" that sits ever so gaudily just off I-20 East. It's purple and yellow and conveniently displays the temperature and time on a scrolling marquee. I don't know about you, but that is the FIRST thing I look for when I'm going to church. Thank God they have the temperature here in both Farenheit and Celcius! Praise Jesus!

The Dirty 30

When I was probably say 28 I thought it might be a good idea to make a list. I'd heard of them before. "30 things to do before I'm 30." Well, now I think that's silly. Why do we focus on numbers so much? I've never been good at setting goals and making lists. I'm more of a "fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal." (That's from Pretty Woman:) So instead of making a list of things I need to cross off and do before I'm 30, which will be here ever so shortly, maybe I'll just make more of a committment to live in the moment, not take life for granted, spend more time outdoors, try not to stress about the small stuff, kiss my baby, and just be happier this "year" than I was the year before that. Maybe I'm just copping out b/c I never got around to my list! Whatev....I'll be OK and I'll still be 30 with or without my list and life will go on. 30 is the new 20 right? ha. And what difference does it really make if I do something when I'm 35 or when I'm 29? I'll still have the memories.

Let It Snow.

It's snowing. A rarity here in GA. It's well below freezing. And though it's a Monday and I should be working, Cannon and I are in our pajamas watching it snow and watching The Muppets Christmas Carol here and there. I made a big ol pot of cheesy buttery grits for breakfast and Cannon sucked them down as he usually does. It's too cold to go outside and Cannon thinks he's too big to snuggle apparently. He's got places to go and things to do. Though today is not officially a "snow day" I've declared it my snow day. A day to spend with my baby who is quickly approaching non-baby status here in a few weeks. These days are few and far between that I get to spend all day with my little boy listening to his squeals and squeaks, singing, babbling, and laughing. I simply wish every day was a snow day.

OPK

This is a little acronym I use at work when I'm a little on the frustrated side. Other People's Kids. Other People's Kids are not my own. There are a handful that I wouldn't mind taking home with me, but for the most part I just want their parents to come get them. Now, I've only been a parent for going on 11 months, but I've been dealing with OPK from a "professional" stand point for a little more than 6 years now. I've recently taken on the task of first grade OPKs. They are super cute and sweet and they love you and want to hug you. A little one was all over me the other day and then started rubbing my belly and proceeded to ask me if I had a "baby in my belly." No....I already had my baby, but thanks for asking! Really shot down my self esteem after squeezing into and buttoning my pre-pregnancy pants earlier that day. But hey, Kids say the darndest things...So, I'm reading with this "small group" of six year olds and after we've learned some new words and written the words and spelled the words and read the words some more, I ask them if they know what it means to study. ??? some blank looks. I'm like you know when you go home and practice what you've learned that day and you read books, etc. After some deep thought one kid responds. "I ride my bike." "Oh yeah, and I have a skateboard." Great news!! We had read a book titled "Tigers, Tigers" and every time this one little boy saw it he said, "Lions, Lions!" What letter does it start with I'd ask. T! he'd proudly say. What sound does T make? t-t-T! What's the word? Lions! God bless him.