Friday, August 19, 2011

Ten Things I Hate About You (OK...twenty)

disclaimer: this post is not intended for YOU, nor do I actually hate anyone. It is simply more of a deep annoyance/frustration that I have with myself for not being able to be good at birthing babies and anything of the like.

1. You are a mom and you're wearing a bikini.
2. You are a mom and you're wearing a bikini and you gave birth two months ago.
3. You don't have stretch marks.
4. You are fully pregnant and you only gained ten pounds.
5. You only gained twenty pounds.
6. You gained less than fifty pounds.
7. You feel great!
8. You walked three miles the day before you gave birth.
9. You actually went jogging before giving birth.
10. You felt good enough during labor to give us a play by play on facebook.
11. You looked good enough after labor to post a picture of you holding your baby on facebook.
12. You had a euphoric natural childbirth.
13. You had a euphoric natural childbirth AT HOME.
14. You pushed your baby out of your vagina with or without drugs.
15. You felt good enough after pushing out your six pound baby that you left the hospital THE NEXT DAY.
16. You wore your pre-pregnancy clothes to your six week check up.
17. You offered me your maternity clothes AFTER I had given birth because you didn't need them anymore.
18. You can't wait to have another baby.
19. Your body was made for this.
20. You tell me that MY body was made for this.