Body By Baby

Slowly, slowly, slowly but surely I am coming to terms with my "body by baby."   I've decided to document my "journey" (I would say back to my "pre-baby" body, but I've accepted that there is no such thing in existence anymore) forward to my "body by ME!"  Because ME is the only way this body is going to change.  I've become more and more inspired recently by women who are embracing their baby bellies.  No matter how saggy, stretched out, or stretch marked!  I've considered documenting pictures of my (hopefully) changing body, but don't want to be offensive!  So I've decided to at least document with words my "Body By Baby" to "Body by ME." experience.  I'm going to start with a timeline going "weigh" back (ha!) to my glory days if you will and documenting my body before baby.  Loving the alliterations here! 

I don't know why, but I remember all these numbers.  Perhaps I was obsessive with the scale at some points in my life.  For the record I'm 5'8."

At my skinniest-125 lbs. graduating from high school.  Boney is more the word probably.
135 lbs. graduating from college.
Sometime during the post college years my weight fluctuated alot and I actually got up to around 154, but I do feel that my "ideal" weight is around 140.
By the time I got married I was weighing 145.
One year after I got married i was weighing 157!  hmmm....first year of marriage
And this is the exact time that I got pregnant!  So my offical pre-pregnancy weight is 157.
I gained 48 pounds while I was pregnant tipping the scale at a whopping 205!  I cried.
I was SWOLLEN!

Here is where I started to learn a lot about my own body.  It's hard to accept the staying weight when everyone around you that also just had a baby is wearing their regular clothes one MONTH post-partum!  Geez.  Now, everyone and their mama and strangers and their mamas would tell me that if I just breastfeed the weight will come right off.  Well, I am breastfeeding! And I did for 14 months.  After the initial weightloss immediately after giving birth I plateaued at 176 for a LONG time.  Still 20 lbs. more than my starting weight and 30-35 lbs. more than where I really wanted to be.  I learned later that apparently 1 in 5 women DON'T lose the baby weight until they STOP breastfeeding.  Keeping my fingers crossed I carried on.  Well, that does make some since.  I mean I guess I have all this extra armpit fat and backfat to help support the D's that I'm carrying around.  Sure enough around month 9-10ish the weight starts coming off pretty steadily and sure enough just as my baby is turning one I'm buttoning my old pants and the scale tells me I'm 153!  A little less than where I started!  And sure enough just as soon as I'm buttoning my pants I'm peeing on a stick and it's telling me I'm pregnant AGAIN!

I am determined not to gain as much weight this time and make an effort not to.  All is going well and I am maintaining my weight better and not gaining as much weight as fast.  Then summer comes and I'm not working and it's hot as blue blazes and I don't want to move.  Then a lot of different things happen and I'm on "bedrest" for the most part.  Granted I probably would have gained the 50 lbs. anyway, but I tell myself that's why. 

So here I am eight months out of my second pregnancy and that dreaded plateau is still lingering.  The scale tells me 177 on a friendly day.  However, I have noticed things shifting and I did button up some pants that were one size smaller than what I had to purchase initially to go back to work in.  And honestly it's not the number that absolutely kills me.  It's the belly.

Clothes just don't fit right.  There's a certain sagginess to it that's hard to explain.  If I pull up my pants too high there's the mom bulge that just looks ridiculous.  If I don't pull them up high enough then there's the spill over.  I really don't know what to do with that extra skin that's just hanging out down there.  If I could just pull it up and duct tape it in place all would be well.  I do worried that it may never go completely away and I assume that it probably has something to do with the two c-sections.  But I'm embracing, remember?  And the stretchmarks.  I can handle the stretchmarks as long as some toning happens.  So far, I've been doing a lot of walking, working out with Carmen (Electra that is, in order to be "Fit to Strip" ha), push-ups and baby curls:)  So this is my journey.  And as soon as school is out I'm going to be balls to the walls working out so I can make an appearance this summer in my bathing suit with a skirt. 

Here's my before picture.  Oh the streching!!!  Only 33 weeks here:

Maybe I'll work up the nerve to post a recent before picture of my current belly....

O vs. C

Well we all know that girls mature faster than boys, duh!  But little Opal is living proof!  She is after her "big" brother all day long following him around and studying his every move.  We already know she's a good bit ahead on the weight charts.  Case in point, Opal is eight months old and weighs a whopping twenty-two pounds if not more by now.  Cannon didn't weight that until he was a year old.  My little chub chub.  She's been wearing twelve month clothes since she was six months and can wear some eighteen month clothes!  Cannon still has some eighteen month clothes that he can wear!  They have worn the same size diapers for months!  And they fit Opal more snuggly than Cannon!  Here are a few milestone comparisons between Opal and Cannon.  (I still haven't put any of them in her baby book!  Poor second baby.)

-Cannon got his first teeth (two bottom at the same time) at 6 months.  Opal got hers (same teeth on the bottom) at 7 months.
-Cannon crawled at nine months, Opal at seven.
-Cannon pulled up at nine months, Opal at eight.
-They both started sitting up around the same time, but Opal became a lot sturdier a lot faster.  She has to keep up with her brother.
-Cannon didn't walk until he was sixteen months old!  At the rate Opal is going it might not be long, but I am hoping she holds out a little longer! I know once she starts walking we are all in trouble!

Cannon and Opal have the best time together.  They play together and talk to each other.  The other day Cannon said, "Let's play with the tractors, Opal.  Come dis way."  He is a good big brother and lets her know when she is not doing the right thing!  haha.  I try to keep up with the darndest things he says and I'm going to make a list soon.  I think soon we'll try to put them in the same room together.  Maybe when Opal starts sleeping through the night!  Cannon was sleeping through the night at three months...Opal not so much.  That's one thing he's got her beat on!

JUST

I looked up the definition of "just" just to be sure. ha. There are several definitions of the word, but the one that applies to this ongoing situation is as follows: only, merely.

Here's the context. Before I had two children I had one. I would hear this comment frequently: Just the one? As in just the one child? Only one? Just one kid? JUST??!!! It's one of those words that the more and more I say it the less sense it makes. Just, just, just, just...

Isn't there a better way to ask if someone has more children? It implies insignificance. Like if you only have one child you have it easy or something's wrong with you. I know a lot of people have a problem with people only having one child. Like it's any of their business as to how many kids someone has. I mean people take it personal.

I guess I could see why some people would be offended by another's decision to only have one child. They are cursing their child with "only child syndrome." Their child will never have a sibling, will be lonely, etc. I still don't understand why people get so worked up about other's decisions to only have one child or not have any at all! Wait a minute, I'm a hypocrite, because I've had plenty of two cents about people who have WAY too many kids! oops!

BUT this is about me JUST having TWO children! Just the two? How many kids do STRANGERS expect me to have? When do people stop saying "just"? Do people say "just the three" or "just the five"? NO! That's when people start saying, "WOW! You've got your hands full!" So what is the perfect amount of kids for these "people"? I guess 2.5 it is because that's the magic number that's never going to happen and that's why no one is ever satisfied with how many kids you have!!

I will admit that I secretly have a longing for a large family BUT I refuse to birth any more babies out of THIS body and I DON'T believe that's what OUR bodies were made for. I don't exist to give birth. Sure, part of me wishes I could give my son a brother and my daughter a sister and they would always have each other. I value my sanity though. I don't believe this makes me selfish either. I will always do anything and everything for my TWO children. I love them more than ANYTHING in this world. They fill my heart and break it at the same time. To me no other love compares to this mother's love that I've recently discovered.

All this being said I respect people's decisions to only have one child or not have any children at all. But I do not respect the judgement of JUST! And I do have OPINIONS of some families that have excessive numbers of offspring. Especially as I pack another child into an already filled car in the carrider line every day! However, to each her own and at the end of the day the most important thing to me is JUST my two babies.

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/sesame-street-teach-kids-breastfeeding-185000424.html

Mommy Spit Up Her Boob

I have to write this down before I forget. Another hectic night trying to get two babies ready for bed. Chris is in a rush to get out the door for basketball practice and trying to find the Benadryl for Cannon's snotty nose. Cannon is in his crib saying, "Get da Benadryl, Daddy!" It is nowhere to be found. Opal is crying and refusing my boob. Cannon has become quite the helper lately letting me know when Opal spits up. "Opal spit up." Finally I go to the kitchen with my boob hanging out only to find the Benadryl in the REFRIGERATOR! What!? Chris is notorious for not remembering where ANYTHING is or what HE did with it. So I go to give Cannon his Benadryl and set Opal down on his changing table. He says, "Opal spit up." I say, "Did Opal spit up? She didn't spit up." Then he starts saying, "Mommy spit up." "Mommy didn't spit up." He says it again only this time pointing to my shirt and saying it. I look down and see a big wet spot where my exposed boob had been leaking. I laughed and suppose I said something along the lines of "Oh my boob is leaking." Then Cannon proudly makes the following sentence, "Mommy spit up her boob!" He cracks me up!

A Baby Story

Monday, August 29--I was feeling fairly certain that little Opal was going to be an August baby when I started having contractions throughout the day on Monday. I even called the doctor, but they never became consistent. I was feeling desperate so Chris and I went to Provino's for supper and I ordered the eggplant parmesan. (I've never actually known anyone that it really worked for). I ate my leftovers again on Tuesday.
Tuesday, August 30--I had a chiropractor/massage appointment. My massage therapist had been telling me to let her know when I was close enough to my due date and as long as I consented she could hit some pressure points that may help get things going. Again I'm desperate...DO IT!!
Later that day....I saw my regular doctor. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, but my belly is 44 "weeks" pregnant! really??!!! I'm miserable!! Don't worry, kiddo (I don't know why she always called me kiddo) only one more week. You're not going into labor on your own anyway. You're not dilated AT ALL or effaced and she hasn't budged. She's not going anywhere.

I'm still feeling stronger contractions here and there all week and I'm taking a shower every night just in case I wake up in the middle of the night and have to go to the hospital.

September 1 comes and goes and I'm a little disappointed that she's going to miss the deadline for Kindergarten. Silly I know, but that's the teacher in me! I'm convinced that maybe the doctor is right after all and I'm not going to go into labor on my own so I DON'T TAKE A SHOWER THAT NIGHT!!!!!

Friday, September 2, 6:15 AM--I wake up with a crampy pain in my crotch and a strong urge to go to the bathroom. WARNING!! IT'S ABOUT TO GET GRAPHIC!!! So I go to the bathroom and I feel "something" come out. I look and there is what seems to be a big bloody ball about the size of a softball. yikes...is that my "water breaking"? I start calling for Chris and of course he doesn't hear me because he's been sleeping like a baby for the past nine months. I start banging on the bathroom wall and finally he comes in and I make him observe my passing. I then call for my mom who thankfully is already at our house. We all observe "it" as my cramping/obvious contractions are getting worse. These contractions immediately after the strange bathroom occurance. I call the doctor's office and of course they tell me to come on in. The whole thirty minute car ride the contractions are getting worse and worse and I'm getting crankier and crankier because my doctor told me I wasn't going to go into labor on my own no way no how. Granted I did eat the eggplant! We get to the hospital around 7 and Chris drops me off at the door. I enter the main entrance to the hospital because there are no signs for a labor and delivery section like luxurious Northside Atlanta. I'm obviously in pain and I tell the lady at the check-in counter that I need to get to labor and delivery (should have taken that hospital tour!). She asks if I'm in labor...YES! A nurse with a wheelchair FINALLY comes to get me after taking her sweet precious time getting there only to cart me off to a corner in the hallway because THERE ARE NO ROOMS IN THE INN!!! Now I'm thinking this is what Mary felt like! I'm put in a bed, given an IV, asked a lot of questions, etc. and the whole time I'm thinking "why am I in the freaking hall?" No fault of their own, but there is some major lack of communication going on between these nurses.

Anyway, I'm checked for dilation and I am already 6cm! Really? My water broke an hour ago and I wasn't dilated AT ALL two days ago? These contractions are coming hard and I'm crying because it wasn't supposed to be like this and I was thinking even if I went into labor on my own, I'd just go straight to the hospital and I'd get wheeled off to the ER for my C-section. NOPE. I ask for the epidural several times. We can't give you the epidural until you're in a room and there are no rooms! Luckily I have this private screen in front of me and tall people can see over it and it's not awkward at all hearing someone labor in the hall as you pass by! I get some kind of pain meds to take the edge off...not really! The nurses keep asking me if I just want to go ahead and have a VBAC because I'm so close. NO THANK YOU I am not trying to push this baby out and I'm not even a candidate b/c she's not completely head down. GET ME A ROOM ALREADY!! Well here we are TWO HOURS LATER. Two long hours that I've been laboring moaning and groaning in the hall no telling how dilated I am now and I finally get a room! Not just any room though. A triage room that's not even prepped for a C-section! Talk about chaos! Nobody knew what was going on!

Finally after all the shaking and nausea and tugging and pulling "little" Opal comes out looking just like Mommy (according to my doctor) at 9:19 A.M. so cute and perfect looking like her big brother with her little button nose only chubbier! 9 lbs. 4 oz. of perfection. Was it worth it? of course! Will I do it again? NEVER! Sweet sweet Opal, you'll always be my baby girl!

Ten Things I Hate About You (OK...twenty)

disclaimer: this post is not intended for YOU, nor do I actually hate anyone. It is simply more of a deep annoyance/frustration that I have with myself for not being able to be good at birthing babies and anything of the like.

1. You are a mom and you're wearing a bikini.
2. You are a mom and you're wearing a bikini and you gave birth two months ago.
3. You don't have stretch marks.
4. You are fully pregnant and you only gained ten pounds.
5. You only gained twenty pounds.
6. You gained less than fifty pounds.
7. You feel great!
8. You walked three miles the day before you gave birth.
9. You actually went jogging before giving birth.
10. You felt good enough during labor to give us a play by play on facebook.
11. You looked good enough after labor to post a picture of you holding your baby on facebook.
12. You had a euphoric natural childbirth.
13. You had a euphoric natural childbirth AT HOME.
14. You pushed your baby out of your vagina with or without drugs.
15. You felt good enough after pushing out your six pound baby that you left the hospital THE NEXT DAY.
16. You wore your pre-pregnancy clothes to your six week check up.
17. You offered me your maternity clothes AFTER I had given birth because you didn't need them anymore.
18. You can't wait to have another baby.
19. Your body was made for this.
20. You tell me that MY body was made for this.